Snappy Answers to Stupid HR Questions

by Matthew Stollak on Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Like most 8-12 year old boys growing up in the 1970s, I was an avid reader of Mad Magazine.  From Alfred E. Newman to Spy vs. Spy, Don Martin, and the Fold-In Back Cover, I looked forward to every issue.

One of my favorite regular features was Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."  For a shy boy, I always wished I had the audacity to have the snarky comeback that Al Jaffee provided.

Like most professions, HR is not immune to receiving some ridiculous queries.  In that vein, here is the first edition of "Snappy Answers to Stupid HR Questions:"

Q: (after the company had a poor year)  Will I be getting a raise this year?

A1:  Yes, when you get back to your desk, your chair will be raised two inches higher

A2: Yes, we raise our glasses to you to celebrate your departure.  You've been laid-off.

A3: Raise?  We prefer to call it a zero adjustment approach.

A4.  The whole company is...we're razing the building next week.

A5. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Given my weak responses, what would be your answer? 

If you have other ridiculous questions, send them to me at   I'll try to provide some snappy answers in the future.

One comment

Haha these are great! I loved reading Mad Magazine, humor is always the best answer.

by Georege on April 11, 2014 at 2:24 PM. #

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