Showing posts with label snark. Show all posts

True Faith #HR Rewind: The MBTI of Easter

by Matthew Stollak on Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Originally posted March 27, 2016

 
While some believe there are 16 distinct personality types based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I've long held there are 16 distinct personality types based on Easter candy preference...the ECTI.  The breakdown is as follows:

 Chocolate Rabbit - Hollow (H) or Solid (S)

 While some prefer their chocolate rabbits hollow, I've always felt it was ripoff when you bite into it, and it crumbles.  Solid rabbit all the way.

Reese's Peanut Butter Egg - Pro (E) or Con (N)
Though I prefer the miniatures or the regular cups, a Peanut Butter Egg is always a solid Easter option.
Marshmallow Peeps - Pro (P) or Con (Z)

 Some prefer these marshmallow confections, while I think they are awful

 Cadbury Creme Egg - Pro (B) or Con (C)

While the shell is fantastic, the stuff inside is disgusting.

That makes me a SEZC.  What does the ECTI say about you?

Happy Easter everyone!

You're Likely Not Going to be Happy about the Box Lunches at #SHRM17. Don't Complain About It.

by Matthew Stollak on Monday, June 12, 2017


It's less than a week to the SHRM Annual Conference in New Orleans, and I'm busy reviewing sessions and finalizing trip details, so this will be a short, but important, post.  Here it is:

Don't complain about the box lunch at SHRM.

 This will be my 17th time attending the event, and I've been on the planning committee for the Wisconsin SHRM State Conference on and off for 10 years.  Do you want to know what's difficult to do?  Planning a lunch for hundreds, if not thousands, of people.  Have you ever had a fantastic, memorable, blow-your-mind box lunch at a conference? Unlikely.  Add in dietary restrictions, allergies, etc., and, for conference planners, it is a monumental undertaking, particularly when there will be over 12,000 in attendance this year.  I know you may have spent a lot of money to attend, but the box lunch won't make or break the conference.

Guess what? You're going to be in one of the great food cities in the world.  If you're not happy with the choice, take a break from the convention center, and explore the many great food options that New Orleans has to offer.

The box lunch is not going to be earth-shattering. Its nothing personal.

Why You Should Hire the V.I. Poo Actress (@kaidasayss)

by Matthew Stollak on Friday, February 17, 2017

On Monday night, my wife had control of the remote and had the TV set on HGTV.  An episode of "Tiny House Hunters" (which is a misleading title - I keep expecting it to be about little people looking for homes that are height appropriate) was on.  I wasn't paying much attention until this ad came on:



Punch the porcelain??!?!?  Devil's Doughnuts??!?  What fresh hell was this?  I'm not sure I could ever buy the product, but I have to give credit to the actress, Sarah Kaidanow, who gives her all to the role.
I know nothing of her background, where she came from, her goals or aspirations.  I can only imagine when she decided to pursue a career in acting, this ad was not likely what she had in mind.  Yet, as Constantin Stanislavski remarked that "there are no small parts, only small actors."  Kaidanow carries that motto to precision.

Kris Dunn once advocated recruiting former Division III athletes as they pursued their passion despite the lack of financial support that DI athletes receive.   I'd apply the same approach to actresses like Sarah.  This role is hardly the stuff of dreams, but she embraced her part wholeheartedly.  My guess is she will bring the same dedication to her next gig.

So, here's to you, Sarah.  I hope this is the start of bigger and better roles for you.

The MBTI of Easter - The ECTI

by Matthew Stollak on Sunday, March 27, 2016

While some believe there are 16 distinct personality types based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I've long held there are 16 distinct personality types based on Easter candy preference...the ECTI.  The breakdown is as follows:

 Chocolate Rabbit - Hollow (H) or Solid (S)

 While some prefer their chocolate rabbits hollow, I've always felt it was ripoff when you bite into it, and it crumbles.  Solid rabbit all the way.

Reese's Peanut Butter Egg - Pro (E) or Con (N)
Though I prefer the miniatures or the regular cups, a Peanut Butter Egg is always a solid Easter option.

Marshmallow Peeps - Pro (P) or Con (Z)

 Some prefer these marshmallow confections, while I think they are awful

 Cadbury Creme Egg - Pro (B) or Con (C)

While the shell is fantastic, the stuff inside is disgusting.

That makes me a SEZC.  What does the ECTI say about you?

Happy Easter everyone!

MUST SEE: The Conference Concierge #HalfBakedHR #HRevolution

by Matthew Stollak on Wednesday, November 19, 2014


As noted before on the blog, Sir William Tincup and I had the honor of presenting a session at HRevolution on Half-Baked HR, a set of 40 HR ideas that are meant to challenge our expectations of what HR can be.  These ideas aren't necessarily fully thought out and there may be a company out there that is already trying to carry the idea out, but it hasn't gotten much acclaim.  Or, it was a miserable failure and deserves to be in the dustbin of history.  Over the next couple weeks, I will share 10 of these half-baked ideas in a more fully developed form on the blog.  Without further adieu....

HR Half-Baked Idea: MUST SEE - The Conference Concierge

Having attended the SHRM Annual Conference for 14 straight years, tackling the expo hall at SHRM (or any other conference) is among the most daunting of tasks.  Over 1,000 vendors vying for my attention, SWAG hawks searching for their latest trinket, and the risk of rollerbags underfoot, are all perils one must encounter.  In the 48-hour time span that the SHRM expo hall is open, there never seems to be enough time to truly get all the answers one might need while still trying to accumulate those necessary certification credits.  What is a 21st-century HR pro supposed to do?

The Solution: MUST SEE - The Conference Concierge

MUST SEE is a conference concierge company that "shops" the expo hall booths ahead of time to better target what you absolutely, positively need to see.  Looking for specific SWAG (e.g., iPads, GPS, Tory Burch shoes), MUST SEE is your scout.  Need to find a specific relocation service for your pet, MUST SEE sniffs it out.  Tired of timing out with your current payroll vendor, MUST SEE 'checks' out the competition.  When time is of the essence at your conference, MUST see is your answer!

#HalfBakedHR - Mobile Video Interviewing Prep #HRevolution

by Matthew Stollak on Friday, November 14, 2014


The 7th iteration of HRevolution took place last weekend.  Want to know about how it went?  Check out the recap HR Happy Hour podcast as well as posts from:

 *Ben Eubanks - The Evolution of HRevolution
*Steve Boese - Owning Disruption at HRevolution

*Kellee Webb - HR:Friend or Foe
*Dwane Lay - The Unbearable Lightness of Being Together
*Tim Gardner - I Can't Summarize HRevolution
*Melissa Fairman - Not Your Typical HR Conference
*Broc Edwards - It's Time to Get Bold
*Jennifer Scott - How About A Trust Culture Instead?
*Bonni Titgemeyer - Doodling at HRevolution

 As noted before on the blog, William Tincup and I had the honor of presenting a session on Half-Baked HR, a set of 40 HR ideas that are meant to challenge our expectations of what HR can be.  These ideas aren't necessarily fully thought out and there may be a company out there that is already trying to carry the idea out, but it hasn't gotten much acclaim.  Or, it was a miserable failure and deserves to be in the dustbin of history.  Over the next couple weeks, I will share 10 of these half-baked ideas in a more fully developed form on the blog.  Without further adieu....

 Half-Baked HR Idea - Mobile Video Interviewing Prep

 Video interviewing has grown leaps and bounds over the last few years.  More and more companies are utilizing Skype, Google Hangouts, GoToMeeting, or other proprietary software in effort to learn more about a candidate.  It makes intuitive sense that this is the next generation approach to recruiting - it contains significantly more information richness than a phone interview, companies are able to save thousands of dollars by not having to bring a candidate, who may be less than stellar, on site, and the technology to conduct video interviewing has gotten cheaper and cheaper.

However, for the candidate, this can often become problematic.  The candidate may be dressed inappropriately, hair or makeup may be slightly askew, the Skype connection may be poor or spotty, or the background during the interview may not scream professional.  

For example, one candidate I interviewed in the spring had chosen her kitchen as the site of the interview.  She was sitting at her kitchen table, the refrigerator was covered with her kids' drawings, and the wallpaper was distracting.

Now, some may argue that where a candidate choose to have the interview may shed insight on the kind of professional he or she is.  But, shouldn't we minimize the likelihood of non-job-related factors to creep into the decision-making process?

The Solution

The future of video interviewing
Why hasn't a business taken advantage of this scenario by creating a mobile video interviewing unit (think the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle from "Stripes.").  Each unit has the latest technology to ensure the video connection is strong.  Inside the unit, there is a spot for hair, makeup, wardrobe.  Professionals in the unit will be available to assist with any of the candidate's needs prior to the interview.  The actual interviewing spot will have a green screen in the background, so that the candidate can choose the image he or she wants to project.  And, best of all, the unit can come directly to the candidate...no travel involved.   With the mobile video interviewing unit, candidates can take comfort knowing that they are able to put their best foot forward?

Call me Mark Cuban...I'm ready for my pitch on Shark Tank.

#HRPickUpLines and the #SHRM14 Expo Hall

by Matthew Stollak on Sunday, June 22, 2014

This is the 14th SHRM Annual Conference I've attended, so I'm a bit jaded when it comes to the promotion from vendors to visit their booths.  However, this year, Careerbuilder has a unique take by using the hashtag #HRPickUpLines as a way to get attention to their name.  The "best" lines can win an iPad air.  Here is the first winning line:

 Here is a sampling of my entries:











































































Which ones your favorite?  Have a better one?  Submit it, and you may win an iPad.  See you around the Exhibit Hall.

4 Ideas for the Sharing Economy

by Matthew Stollak on Sunday, April 27, 2014



Wired magazine has a cover story this month on the rise of the Sharing Economy, where companies like AirBnB, Uber, and Lyft are getting Americans to trust one another by sharing car rides, spare rooms or apartments, etc.    The idea is that in this tough labor market, where wages are depressed, one can try to supplement one's income through market inefficiencies.  With that in mind, here are four ideas I'm ready to pitch to Mark Cuban in the Shark Tank:

  • "Gyym" - Have a treadmill, stationary bike, or elliptical machine currently serving as a hanger for clothes?  My app will connect you to unused workout machines in the area for a small fee.   Why spend significant dollars at a high-priced gym only to encounter some juiced-up monster glaring at you.  Workout in peace without the pressure.
  • "Musyc" - Have a piano gathering dust, or a guitar gathering dust in its case.  My app will connect you to unused musical instruments in the area for a small fee.  Why spend big money for an instrument for your child that will only go silent after only a few months?
  • "SylverWare" - Bought a huge amount of plastic ware, cups, and plates for a birthday party, dinner, or other event, only to have inventory left over?  With our app, we can match your unused good to those throwing a party in the future.
  • "Bulbz" - Heading off on vacation for two weeks, and shutting off all your lamps?  Shed some light on other people's darkness, by loaning out your light bulbs while they lay dormant.

One of these ideas has to be a winner!  "Share" your own idea in the comments below.

Snappy Answers to Stupid HR Questions

by Matthew Stollak on Wednesday, March 19, 2014





Like most 8-12 year old boys growing up in the 1970s, I was an avid reader of Mad Magazine.  From Alfred E. Newman to Spy vs. Spy, Don Martin, and the Fold-In Back Cover, I looked forward to every issue.

 One of my favorite regular features was Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."  For a shy boy, I always wished I had the audacity to have the snarky comeback that Al Jaffee provided.

Like most professions, HR is not immune to receiving some ridiculous queries.  In that vein, here is the first edition of "Snappy Answers to Stupid HR Questions:"

Q: (after the company had a poor year)  Will I be getting a raise this year?

A1:  Yes, when you get back to your desk, your chair will be raised two inches higher

A2: Yes, we raise our glasses to you to celebrate your departure.  You've been laid-off.

A3: Raise?  We prefer to call it a zero adjustment approach.

A4.  The whole company is...we're razing the building next week.

A5. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Given my weak responses, what would be your answer? 

If you have other ridiculous questions, send them to me at mstollak@gmail.com.   I'll try to provide some snappy answers in the future.

The Worst HR Job in America Might Be At Teller Motors

by Matthew Stollak on Thursday, December 12, 2013


(Spoiler alert - if you haven't watched the season finale of Sons of Anarchy, you may not want to read on).

 The worst HR job in America might be the HR Director at Teller Motors.  Here's why:

 *The job is located in Charming, CA, a town with a death rate that rivals Cabot Cove, ME

 *It's family-owned, with a highly unstable family.  The current owner, Jax Teller,  shot and killed the former owner, his stepdad, Clay Morrow.   And the owner's mom, Gemma, just killed the owner's wife, Tara, with a carving fork.

*The owner is involved with many illegal activities, including guns, drug-running, and prostitution.

*Recruiting employees is tougher than a union closed shop in 1939.

 *Employees are more likely to get killed by a member of the IRA than receive a company-sponsored IRA.

 *Health care premiums are likely to skyrocket in the next year.  Given than Tara was a physician and provided care to the company employees gratis as well as stole supplies from the hospital in which she worked, the employees are likely in the market for a new doctor.

*Teller Motors has a very stringent orientation procedure.

*Most common reason for turnover?  Death.

 *Most useless taxes paid?  FUTA and FICA. Most employees are unlikely to be fired and few are around long enough to collect Social Security.

*Forget about the AFT...the latest concern may be OSHA, who may put Teller Motors on their watch list for imminent danger after the company clubhouse was firebombed.

At least the company parties are off the hook.

On Hugh Howey's "Wool"

by Matthew Stollak on Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Based on sterling recommendations from Laurie Ruettimann and Neil Morrison, I picked up the Omnibus edition of "Wool," a series of science fiction novellas from author Hugh Howey.

 The basic premise is that the outside world has become toxic forcing humanity to live in 144-story silos, where the bottom third is dedicated to farming and mechanical upkeep, the middle third to IT, and the top third to the professional class and living quarters.

 In the first novella, Wool, Holston, the sheriff, is investigating the death of his wife, and decides to resign; this means exile to the outside where he is expected to clean the sensors and windows and die.

 In the second novella, Proper Gauge, Mayor Jahns and Deputy Marnes, look to find a replacement for Holston.  They engage in succession planning, a series of reference/background checks, and interviewing to make a selection among three candidates.

 OMG...ITS A SERIES OF BOOKS ABOUT HR!!!

 No wonder Laurie and Neil liked it.

 I'm continuing on with the 3rd novella, Casting Off, but I swear if I read about the talent communities at the hydroponic farm...I'm done!!!

God Made A #HR Professional

by Matthew Stollak on Sunday, February 3, 2013

There were lots of mediocre ads during the Super Bowl.

However, the ad of the night, for me, was the Dodge Ram Farmer ad, featuring some brilliant still photography, and the iconic voice of Paul Harvey.  Check it out below:

 

I anticipate that SHRM is rapidly working on a "So God Made A HR Professional" ad, perhaps in time for the Annual Conference in June.

 So, if you were SHRM...

What should the ad say?

 Who should do the voice over?

Say "Seat At The Table," Pay @shrmfoundation $100

by Matthew Stollak on Thursday, December 6, 2012



As I have written several times on this blog and elsewhere, I appreciate the SHRM Foundation.  Their products and work are outstanding.  

One of the videos from the SHRM Foundation I used to show in my HR class was entitled "HR Heroes: What it means to be a Strategic HR Leader in the 21st Century" (later renamed HR Role Models) It featured Libby Sartain and others discussing, as the title suggests, strategic leadership at both high-tech and low-tech companies.  The SHRM Foundation even produced a nice little discussion guide with it which you can see here.

 The introduction to the guide contains the following gem:
There is a lot of talk about HR being a strategic partner/leader today.  Yet in most organizations HR is not part of the executive team.  So, what is required to be a strategic HR leader?  And what must HR do when it has a "seat at the table?

Seems reasonable, particularly to someone new to the HR field.  So, why have I stopped showing it?  

 It was created in 2003.   

The role of the strategic HR leader has changed...yet, in 2012, there is still conversation about that piece of furniture.

 At the 2012 Leadership Conference in November, Jose Berrios, Chair of the SHRM Board of Directors, mentioned "seat at the table" in his opening remarks.

 Yesterday at the HR Fishbowl, guest blogger Christopher de Mers used that same phrase in an excellent piece. 

Nearly 10 years later, we are still having that same conversation.

 So, how do we change it?  How do we get rid of that dreaded phrase?

 Do we go all Samuel Jackson - Snakes on a Plane-style "Enough is Enough, I've had it with this M@#&$%F*#*ing seat at this M@#&$%F*#*ing table?!?!?

 Here is what I propose...treat the phrase like a swear jar you had as a kid.

 If you hear a HR talk where that four word phrase is uttered, groan loudly and say to that person that he or she MUST donate $100 to the SHRM Foundation (here's the donation link).  End of story.

Similarly, call the person out on Twitter with the hashtag #SHRMFound100:  "At today's #SHRM luncheon, John Jorgensen used the dreaded phrase, "seat at the table."  $100 to the @shrmfoundation #SHRMFound100"

 It is hoped that such an approach will not only banish the phrase from the HR profession, but it will raise some money toward a good cause.  And, who knows, perhaps the SHRM Foundation could use the funds to make an updated DVD!

Target, Thanksgiving and Work

by Matthew Stollak on Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dear Target Employees,

We hear you (as well as your friends at Toys R Us and Wal-mart) are upset about the possibility of working on Thanksgiving day, taking time away from your families.

If Target corporate backs off, will you be joining us for some popcorn and a showing of "Life of Pi" or "Red Dawn" that evening?

Regards,

Your local movie theater employees


"No Worse Than The Rest"

by Matthew Stollak on Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Growing up in East Lansing, MI and the Michigan State campus, one of the more polarizing figures was one Mark Grebner.

Thirty years before the advent of sites such as "Rate My Professors," he was self publishing "Rating the Profs," a short paperback that was available for purchase at the MSU Student Book Store to assist students in avoiding the "harder" professors (several were rated as "A Real Bastard!").

He has also ran successfully for  County Commissioner for many years under the slogan, "No Worse Than The Rest."  Which made me think...

Is this a winning slogan for HR as well?

Our HR strategy?...no worse than the rest
Our time to fill?...no worse than the rest
Our candidate pool? ....no worse than the rest
How do we train and develop our employees? ...no worse than the rest
How do we keep our employees safe? ....no worse than the rest
Our recognition program? ...no worse than the rest
Our compensation system?...no worse than the rest
Where do you rate the employees? ....no worse than the rest

Does it work?